Circle of love

I am always surprised by love.

As I start writing this post, I realize I know exactly why. I never feel like I’m enough. But I’m working on believing I’m worthy of love.

I am always surprised by love.

In the spring of 2010, I visited Spain for the first time. I was instantly smitten with the country and continuously joked about how I was going to move there one day. Until one day when I told two dear friends about my crazy idea. The reaction I got was entirely unexpected. This is the time to do it, they said. If I were you, I’d sell everything, pack a bag and go. Two months later, I did.

There were several things I knew right then and there. One, this was the adventure of a lifetime. Two, my life was never going to be the same. Three, I needed to somehow shorten the distance between my new life and my lifelong friends. That’s how my Yahoo! Group was born.

There is a magic that happens when a person sits in front of a computer screen and pours their heart out. You can look at the screen all you want… scowl, smile, laugh, cry. The screen will take it all. It can’t look back at you. It can’t pass judgement. It can’t even speak. It can only take it all in. So you write.

A writer is always writing for an audience. It doesn’t matter if the piece will make it to the audience or not, writers always write with an audience in mind. In this group, I’ve always known who my audience is: a magnificent, inspiring group of friends. I write about discovery, loss, love, sex, happiness, sorrow. I say nice things about people I love, and not so nice things about people I don’t love. I sometimes also say not so nice things about people I fiercely love. I go skinny dipping in deep waters when I write those emails to my group, and I have no fear of depths nor modesty.

The most magnificent gift I’ve received from my Yahoo! Group is love.

I’ve been celebrated, encouraged, made fun of, chastised when I needed to be, but always and forever without judgement, with kindness, and with love. Humbling, endearing love.

My group is so diverse. I have artists, intellectuals, scientists, free spirits, flirts, troublemakers, business owners, romantics, practical, down to earth human beings coming from all walks of life. Some of these people have known each other forever. Many have never even met. Yet somehow, for some unfathomable reason, they’re all part of my life and have chosen to let me in and shower me with love, TRUST, support, and understanding. Because of every single one of them, I know true love.

Today I celebrate them all.

MA

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